Why I Stopped Tying My Worth to My To-Do List as an Anxious Overachiever

As someone who has always pushed for excellence, I used to find myself overwhelmed by a mountain of tasks and responsibilities. The pressure to accomplish more and be the best version of myself was exhausting. I was an anxious overachiever, and my self-worth felt tied to my to-do list. Over time, I realized this mindset was draining and harmful to my mental health.

In this post, I’ll share my journey and insights on why I stopped tying my worth to my to-do list.

What is an Anxious Overachiever?

An anxious overachiever is someone who sets very high standards for themselves and feels a constant need to meet these expectations. This often leads to anxiety, stress, and a persistent feeling of inadequacy. According to a study from the American Psychological Association, nearly 61% of high-achieving individuals experience anxiety about their performance.

5 Characteristics of an Anxious Overachiever

1. Perfectionism: Anxious overachievers often believe that anything less than perfect is unacceptable. This can lead to a fear of failure. For instance, an employee might refuse to submit a project without multiple rounds of editing, fearing any mistake could reflect poorly on them.

   
   

2. Procrastination: Ironically, the very fear of falling short can stop anxious overachievers in their tracks. A thriving college student might delay starting a paper because they fear it won’t meet their lofty standards.

   
   

3. Overcommitment: Anxious overachievers might take on too many responsibilities, thinking they need to do it all to prove their worth. A classic example is a volunteer who says “yes” to every event, stretching themselves too thin and burning out in the process.

   
   

4. Self-Criticism: They often criticize themselves harshly, focusing on what they didn’t achieve instead of celebrating their wins. For example, a person might recall only missed deadlines rather than reflect on the successful projects they completed.

   
   

5. Burnout: The constant pursuit of achievement can lead to exhaustion, making it hard to maintain a healthy work-life balance. According to the World Health Organization, burnout can result in decreased productivity and emotional fatigue.

   
   

Are You Tying Your Worth to Your To-Do List?

If you often measure your self-worth by how many tasks you check off, it’s important to reconsider this approach. Here are two reasons why linking your worth to your to-do list can be harmful:

1. It Creates a Cycle of Anxiety: When your self-esteem hinges on your productivity, any unfinished tasks can induce feelings of inadequacy. This can create a debilitating cycle of anxiety. For example, if you don’t finish all items on your daily checklist, it may ruin your mood for the rest of the day.

   
   

2. It Diminishes Your Achievements: Focusing on what you haven’t done can overshadow what you have accomplished. Instead of celebrating successes, like completing a project or reaching a milestone in your career, you might fixate on what’s still pending.

   
   

How an Anxious Overachiever is Different from a Perfectionist

Though anxious overachievers and perfectionists share traits, they are distinct. An anxious overachiever is driven by fear of failure and a desire for outside validation, often leading to stress. For instance, someone might stress over feedback from a boss. In contrast, a perfectionist has an internal drive for flawlessness but may not experience the same high levels of anxiety about performance.

5 Journaling Prompts to Help Ease Your Anxiety About Achieving

Journaling can offer insight and relieve anxiety. Here are five prompts to explore your feelings about achievement and self-worth:

1. What does success mean to me?

   Reflect on your personal definition of success. It might not only relate to your work achievements but also to your relationships and personal growth.

   
   

2. What are three things I accomplished this week?

   Acknowledge your achievements, even minor ones like completing a workout or helping a friend. Celebrating these can help shift your focus.

   
   

3. How do I feel when I don’t complete my to-do list?

   Consider your emotions around unfinished tasks. They may stem from fear or pressure, which need to be addressed.

   
   

4. What activities bring me joy outside my to-do list?

   Identify hobbies or interests that make you feel happy beyond work. Engaging in these can restore balance in your life.

   
   

5. What advice would I give a friend who believes their worth is tied to achievements?

   Think about how you would support a friend facing the same struggle. Often, we are far kinder to others than to ourselves.

   
   

Embracing a Healthier Mindset

Breaking the cycle of tying my worth to my to-do list has been life-changing. As an anxious overachiever, I've learned that my value isn’t defined by how much I do. Recognizing the negative effects of this mentality and practicing self-compassion has helped me find balance.

If you relate to my experience, I encourage you to reflect on your own connection with achievement. Remember, your worth is constant and not based solely on your productivity. Celebrate your journey, acknowledge your successes, and prioritize your well-being.

Finding peace amidst life's chaos is within reach. Together, let’s redefine success and focus on what truly matters.